Yesterday I went to a concert of the band Thoola. Multi culti band playing cool songs and instruments. The concert was on a boat on Vltava and being on the boad it felt like being in a cottage somewhere in the mountains. Everything was wooden and it felt cozy. The one thing which sucked was the weather outside and by the river it was much much colder. By the time I got home I was frozen:( It already gets dark by 6 pm and I don't feel like doing much. I have a todo list which I hope to sooner or later manage namely clean my flat to perfection. Somehow having a clean flat gives me a peaceful feeling although I get very fast pissed off as 2 days after vacum cleaning the floor is covered in small fluffy dusty balls. Ah well. I was wondering in the last weeks if I can still wear ballerinas but with the snow last weekend I think it is time for me to clean all the summer shoes and put them away. This is actually something I am looking forward to:)
I don't think I will manage today since today on my todo list there is cooking a tasty low carb goulas soup.
Now that it got so cold I love soups even more. I even bought a blender so I guess I can be experimenting a lot with different kind of soups.
Stay warm :)
So today I finally made it to the gym. Took it easy, walked 20 minutes on the thread mil, lat pull down, push ups, lunges, sumo squats. Let's see how much my body will hurt tomorrow.
I picked up the case for the notebook...somehow stuff always look better on pictures but whatever:)
Now I only need to bring it to the service and I am all set. Even redirected the mail from my old address.
Now eating a delicious salad from lettuce, red onion, avocado, tomato and feta. Yumm!!!
No plans yet for the weekend. On my todo list today pick up my Macbook cover from the post, ask them to redirect my mails and order a snowboard bag. Actually I am not sure if I will manage to order it online as I need a wide bag so I can fit my boots with the snowboard in it...let's see.
Other than that I have been cooking and cooking...seems like if you got nothing to do cooking is a good time killer:) I prepared cauliflower pure with veal steak and mushrooms. Curious to taste. I finished reading all my interesting books. Now I am reading one from Haruki Murakami but they are short stories and I don't feel I need to read it all in one breath. I have ordered meanwhile three books from amazon and I am preparing a to buy list for the time I will be home. I do enjoy reading in my native language. So far I got two books I plan to get on the list I hope by December the list grows. So if you read a book you really liked, do share:)
and no I don't mean the stupid trilogy but the horrible weather. I am afraid I didn't see the sun shine in ages and it starts to bother me. I have noticed I am very dependant on the sun light:) The more of it the better.
As of today there are 2 months left till Christmas and me going home. I might need to start with buying presents slowly.
Last Friday a friend had birthday so it was celebration time. We went to a cool place, new for me, so I am enriching my to go out list.
I need to finally drag my ass to the gym. Haven't been there in ages...I think that's one of the reasons I feel so tired and sleepy lately.
A total useless post:)
Казват, че сънуването е начина по който мозъка преработва различни случки. Вярвам че е така тъй като няколко пъти съм сънувала неща от ежедневието ми, който са ме тормозели. Днес сънувах нещо, което ме кара да мисля, че съм една стъпка по близо до нормалното си аз. Знам че има дни в които всичко е по-розово и други в които може да се чуди човек от къде все е взела цялата тъга и глупави мисли, но за сега го приемам като добър знак...сънят ми.
and thank god! I only bought it because I read about it in Cosmo...okay in my defense I was on vacation and I do read magazines only then, otherwise I find Cosmopolitan also a very brainless magazine. But anyways...I read about it bought it and oh god I had to suffer. The Bulgarian translation of the book was not that great, the language that was used was on a low level and last but not least there were spelling mistakes. I think that is not okay. Anyways the books is about a student meeting a dominant guy and in the first book there is literally nothing happening, in the second book there was some more drama chasing, crazy ex lovers and in the third book they got married and lived happily ever after...got two kids and were in love :)
Ajaja, as said I am glad I am done with it. Wouldn't say it is a must read but if you have some spare time and want to read something brainless than go for it.
Now reading the third book from Hunger Games. There I have hire expectations.
Speaking of reading and books...you should definitely check out the goodreads app. Really cool one and you can keep track of the books you have read etc.
There are few things I need to take care of like getting a case or sleeve for my notebook...looks like that the touch pad has a little crack. Have to go to the Apple store. Curious what they will tell me and if they will fix it. On the weekend I plan to hit the gym again. Haven't been there in ages due to the flu but I can't wait to sweat and feel my body more alive. At work things are busy and I suppose tomorrow will be even worse...of course it is Friday it has to be:) This weekend I am taking it easy and will not be hitting the bars. Good for the health and the pocket. I am trying to pull of a month challenge in which I do not buy any clothes or shoes...Will report in a month from now how it went. Last month I ordered few things from Mango and bought two pairs of jeans so it should last for a while. By the way it is so cold outside it is time to start the heating and soon Christmas will be around the corner and my birthday will be knocking on the door. Time passes by super quick it seems like but I can't complain. Just the opposite if it would be up to me I would fast-forward it half a year :)
Given the circumstances the last thing on my mind was to update the blog. I just didn't feel like writing. Anyways in the last two months my relationship ended, I moved out, I went for the second time this summer to the Greek seaside, I went to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert in Sofia, I had my parents visit me, my flat got flooded, I bought my first vacuum cleaner, bed, iron and other shit...I partied, I learned to fight my fears,I experienced the magic of meeting someone, I revived my almost dead social life, I started learning French, I read a lot and last but not least I think I got to know myself a bit better.
Brain bleach for me please...
Okay joke aside I guess and hope that whatever we go through in life has a purpose. The least it should help us learn more about ourselves and help us avoid the same mistakes in the future. Whatever has caused us pain will never disappear and unfortunately there is no brain bleach which will erase it from our memories it will be like the scar...the one that doesn't hurt anymore but you can feel it once you touch it.
I am currently going through a process of healing and recovering after a break up with my ex fiancee. Life after the break up has been quite intense and full with ups and downs. Few things I have realized are that there is nothing sure in life...even if your partner is the love of your life it may come to a point in which due to different circumstances you are left on your own. Bottom line I should always count on myself and myself only. If you are willing to get on the train with me, you are welcome but nevertheless, I should always keep in mind that I am on my own and even though we are two now, I can be forced to be on my own again in any given moment.
The other thing I realized is that I need to be less blind. I should look realistically at things and not the way I want them to be. Otherwise it might turn out that I live a lie.
I think whenever something feels right things tend to go smooth. If there is too much pushing from one of the sides I think it is a sign to pick your stuff and run.
I was always afraid of the moment when all the feelings are gone. What do you do then? It is not that bad I have seen ...the habit keeps you going. Unfortunately then instead of being in a relationship and feeling good about it you feel you are in a trap.
It is also very hard to take a decision because we have all heard that you realize what you got once you loose it. To a certain extend it might be true but on the other hand our brain tends to play games on us. I have caught myself thinking about the good moments we have had but on the other hand the last few months were nothing like that.
I think every separation is painful because we have to fight the habit and adapt to our changed life but it can be also something that sets us free and gives us the opportunity to pursue our dreams and goals. Sometimes the relationship wasn't even perfect and it is nothing we should really miss but the habit...the habit of having someone ... that's the harder part. I think that what honorable people make is to keep things fair. Love doesn't last forever but cheating can't be the answer too. We cheat because we look for something that we can't find in our relationship. We need to be open about what we feel and share it with our partner. Even though I wasn't cheated on I feel a bit betrayed because it turned out that I was living a lie and it was expected of me to read minds...maybe it was a way to make me get the message and take action. I was stupid and convinced that I had made my choice and was satisfied with it. I should have seen it coming but I didn't. I wonder if it would be better if it would happen cold turkey but really do relationships in which all is perfect just fall apart like that? I am not so sure. I would think that all relationships which end were having some turbulent time before the end.
Anyways...whatever it is there is no secret or rules to follow but sometimes we should listen to our 6th sense which is whispering things in our ear and not think oh fuck I made him move for me how can I tell him it is over and so on. I do agree now that it sucks to be the one who is left but I have my principles and I believe in them. I just hope time won't make me change too much.
It has been two months since the breakup and few days ago I was feeling really sad. I thought each day would only make it better and maybe in the long run it does make it better I just need to bite through and then touch the scar and feel it is there but it doesn't hurt anymore.
Looking and thinking of a brighter future with a passenger to join me on my train ride:)
Keep smiling and keep believing in yourself!